Because, you see, God saved me.

I grew up in a Christian home, and, as a kid, I would have told you I was a Christian, something like the way I belonged to this or that or liked this or that.

3, 7, 2008, in the middle of the service.

I was sitting in the balcony of a church, way off by myself.  I’d gone there the way I always went to church–out of some kind of lingering grudging duty left over from childhood.

I had everybody fooled, but, most of all, I had myself fooled.  I was totally blind, totally lost, totally clueless, and totally dead to the knowing of any of that.

And in the middle of that nothingness, that meaninglessness, that zombification, that never-ending sleep, something happened I cannot get my mind around.  Some One happened I cannot get my mind around.

When I got home, this is what I wrote:

I woke up.

The thought of waking up, the will of waking up, the feeling of waking up had stayed behind.  I hadn’t reflected on waking up; I hadn’t chosen to wake up; I hadn’t even wanted to wake up.

Here I was, awake.

I babbled on a little, trying to find something within myself smart enough to figure this out, and then I just stopped.

And I marveled.

I don’t know how this is going to sound, and I don’t care, because it is the absolute truth–

God woke me up.

I still remember the no-words shock and staggering delight, realizing Someone had given me the unimaginable privilege of awareness.

In that church service, on that day, God in absolutely interventional grace woke me up.  I know it.  I know it more than I know the power of gravity or the air in my lungs.

I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever forget the grace God gave me.

How precious the opportunity!

I was awake, but I wasn’t safe.  Like a comatose patient woken suddenly, I started wandering around a hospital.  But now I knew: I needed the Doctor.

4, 17, 2008.

1 month and 10 days later.


God in absolutely unfathomable mercy waited on me 1 month and 10 days.  He could have killed me and sent me straight into Hell, but for 41 days, He waited for me to understand.

The Almighty Creator, Jesus the Christ who

is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

(from Colossians 1:17)

This Almighty Creator held my damned soul in my body and waited on me for 41 days.

4, 17, 2010.

At a Saturday church, I asked Christ to come into my life.

Not like joining a group.  Not like ‘liking’ something.

Breath in my nostrils, passion in my heart!  And I had no idea there was going to be fire in my soul!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The most wonderful, fearsome, awesome fire of God, burning away my sin nature, igniting me to change, inflaming me in a love for the lost, blazing light in my darkness.

I now know that there is no person in this life too hard, too far gone, or too stupid for God to save.

Because, you see, God saved me.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect.  (1 Corinthians 15:10a, NIV)

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. (Ephesians 2:4-5, NIV)


The URI to TrackBack this entry is:

%d bloggers like this: