The Maze of My Life: Part 1, The Maze

I didn’t know I would be entering a strange microcosm of sorts when, at a movie theme park, I stopped inside a building advertising for a maze.

Now, really, this is going to sound so ridiculous, I don’t blame you if you don’t believe it . . but, even though this maze was named after a horror movie, and even though I would rather eat a pb & j sandwich made out of Styrofoam peanuts and jelly with high fructose corn syrup in it . . I didn’t really think about this maze being scary.  I thought of “spooky” and “exciting”, but not scary.

I hate scary.

Inside the building for the maze, I didn’t see anything too alarming.  Yes, I knew the maze was based on a horror movie, but there were black-and-white TV screens showing people inside the maze, and it just looked to me like your regular, ordinary, everyday cornstalk maze, only without the cornstalks.  I could handle that.

I remember Mom asking a wise question at this timely moment like, “Are you sure you want to do this?  It might be scary.”

I hate scary.

But all I saw on the (blurred quality) tv screens were people walking around, trying to find their way out.  No problem.  I could handle that.

Well . . but.  I decided my mom should go first.  In case there was anything scary up ahead.  My dad came up behind me.  There couldn’t be any surprises with trustworthy guards in the front and in the back, right?

Wrong.  For one thing, Mom blazed the trail ahead.  And I don’t know why, but the pterodactyl didn’t come out and scare her, and I’m not sure if the arm came out to grab her or not, but if it did, it didn’t impress her much, and the room of dead bodies didn’t scare her because all she saw was foam, and the terrible ending to the maze didn’t even happen for her.  Or anybody else, actually, that was with me.  Nope.  It just happened to me.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The first part of the maze was a black tunnel.  I don’t like black tunnels, and I was starting to get skitterish.  On the TV’s I’d seen, everything looked a whole lot lighter–of course.  The screens were using “night vision”.

I was still feeling uneasy until an animatronic hand reached out right in front of me.

Goodbye, uneasy.  Hello, panic.

I screamed and went nuts.  Dad, who was behind me, got bashed as I threw myself back from the hand.

Have you ever seen a rolly cart being rolled forwards?  That was kinda how it was with me and my dad, only I didn’t have wheels.  Dad wanted to get out, too, but not for the same reason.  He wanted to stop dealing with me!

Conveniently, Mom was way ahead of us.

Right after the animatronic arm, a bright pterodactyl flew out of nowhere and I mean went straight for my eyes.  Then it vanished.

I immediately wondered what in the world had happened.  Had I had some kind of breakdown from the animatronic hand?  But I had heard this screeching sound, too.  Had there really been some kind of holographic image?  But what did that pterodactyl have to do with the mummies theme?

(I tried to ask my dad if he had seen it, but he was so confused by trying to get me to go on through and I was so frantic I couldn’t make any sense of it.  I never was sure if he saw that pterodactyl.  I tried to describe it afterwards, but I never could get a clear answer from him.  Maybe he didn’t know what a pterodactyl was.)

Now wondering if I was having some kind of nervous breakdown, I warily swiveled my head around as I was pushed forwards.  At least I didn’t have to walk.  That was nice.  For me, anyway.  Dad was tired afterwards for some reason.

At last we got to some light.  But it wasn’t the kind of light I was expecting.  It was ugly light, and it was illuminating what were supposed to be . . . I really don’t know what they were supposed to be.  I think they were supposed to be mummies hanging from the ceiling.  Why, I do not know.  I was a) disgusted and b) scared.  I did not want to walk under those things.

Mom–who had actually waited–said something like, “They’re just foam,” and reached up and grabbed one.  It was hard to argue with that.

I followed her into another pitch black room with glazes of light and a red emergency exit sign.  I decided I’d made it this far into the maze–I didn’t want to chicken out in the middle.  So I ran into a mirror trying to get out.  This part of the maze was the easiest part, because there were people all around me–including kids.  If a pterodactyl came up and ate me, at least I would have company.

My easiest part of the maze was Mom’s hardest part.  My mom hates to be in tiny, crammed closets with total strangers for some reason.  So she was real motivated to find her way out.  I followed her, and at last we were at the end of the maze.  The only thing that stood in between me and the door were these huge, ginormous, super tall, gigantic, humongous, really tall statues.

They were scary, scary, scary.  They were these tall statues of that Egyptian god that’s a dog or something.  I can’t remember if they had those Egyptian always-awake side-eyes or not.  But I was petrified they were animatrons.

I would not go forwards.  I was so close to the end.  I didn’t want to give up, but I was terrified.  My dad couldn’t wheel me anymore.  He tried to inspire me by saying something like, “Look, you can see the outside.”  And he was right.  The bright, sunny, warm, happy day was streaming into this last abysmal corridor of the maze.

There was an attendant nearby, and my mom went up to her and asked her if the statues moved.  Mom told her I had a terrible fear of animatrons.  The attendant said they did not move.  I watched people exit with no problems.  And I didn’t believe the attendant would lie when she had to see how scared I was.


I walked past those really tall, humongous, gigantic, super tall, ginormous, huge statues, and I was keeping a close eye on the one closest to me.  And right when I got to where, if I took one more frightened step, I would be right in front of it–that thing started walking towards me.

I about needed a heart transplant–for my own heart to be taken out of my throat and put back in my chest.  I ran screaming out of that maze, and let me tell you something, that animatronic stupid statue thing, it may have been tall, and it may have had big old long legs, but it could not catch me.  I ran faster than the gingerbread man out of that maze and onto the top of a stairwell.  The sun burst through my fear and my heart decided it didn’t have to beat 10 times a second anymore.

That maze stuck in my mind like styrofoam peanutbutter would stick to the roof of my mouth.  I explored that maze in my mind over and over again, never sure what to make of it, but always feeling like there was something to make of it, if only I could figure out what.

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. (James 1:5, NLT)


See Copyright Page for Bible translation information.

Published in: on October 23, 2011 at 8:39 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: ,

The URI to TrackBack this entry is:

%d bloggers like this: