The Maze of My Life: Part 4, Alone

Well . . but.  I decided my mom should go first.  In case there was anything scary up ahead.  My dad came up behind me.  There couldn’t be any surprises with trustworthy guards in the front and in the back, right?

Wrong.  For one thing, Mom blazed the trail ahead.  And I don’t know why, but the pterodactyl didn’t come out and scare her, and I’m not sure if the arm came out to grab her or not, but if it did, it didn’t impress her much, and the room of dead bodies didn’t scare her because all she saw was foam, and the terrible ending to the maze didn’t even happen for her.  Or anybody else, actually, that was with me.  Nope.  It just happened to me.

I have always liked other people to be with me in hard times or when things are scary.  That’s something about me that’s actually normal.  🙂

When I thought somebody was breaking in my house, the puppy I had at the time was not appropriate company (especially with him happy as a lark as we hid in my bathroom and I debated whether to hit an intruder with a wooden toilet paper holder or try to spray hot water from the shower on him).

When I decided to go jump off a platform with only a bungee between me and the ground below, I clung on my friend’s arm so tight she seemed to think it was a bit violent.  I thought that at least if the bungee cord broke, we were both going down together.

I have always kinda had this theory that if I rode a roller-coaster by myself, I would be in the cart that fell off the track.

So I don’t like to do anything scary by myself.  Always with other people.

That’s why eternity has always scared me.  Standing before God . . by myself?  Giving an account for my actions . . . all alone?  Going to Heaven or Hell . . . . without any of my friends or family around to help me?  This was not good news to me.  For one thing, I don’t trust myself.  I don’t trust my judgment.  And I sure don’t trust my explaining ability when I looked over the mess I had made of my life.  Why couldn’t my whole church go up together?  Why couldn’t it be a family judgment?  Surely my parents would get me in.

But I always instinctively knew that was not the way it worked.  Not in eternity.

But what was I going to do?  Not think about it?  Pretend it wasn’t so?  Hope that I could get people to go in ahead of me and behind me to form of hedge of protection around me?

I tried to deny it, I tried to get help for it, I tried to push past the fear.  But sometimes it would catch up to me.  And the more I realized no one could help me, the more absolutely terrified I became.  I would have nights where I would lay in my bed, afraid a hole would open up underneath me and I would fall into Hell.

But something happened I did not expect.

I found out that, when I went to God on my own, all by myself . . . He was ready to take me, as I was.  He was ready to forgive my sins and get me on the right track before eternity began and it was too late.  God, in fact, wanted me to trust Him, only Him for salvation.  That meant I had to stop worrying about myself and what I could do for my salvation.  That was a terrifying thought–something I have not truly mastered, truth be told.  But I do grasp this, now:

There are only two ways to go into eternity

  • by yourself
  • or with Jesus.

That is it.

And I pick “with Jesus”.

You have come to Jesus, the one who mediates the new covenant between God and people, and to the sprinkled blood, which speaks of forgiveness instead of crying out for vengeance like the blood of Abel. (Hebrews 12:2, NLT)

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. (Hebrews 4:16, NLT)


See Copyright Page for Bible translation information.

Published in: on October 23, 2011 at 9:02 pm  Leave a Comment  
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