Tinnitus

For months now, I have had a minor condition of Tinnitus.  Like a lot of people, I only notice mine at night.  At first, I didn’t even notice it at all.  I would only wake up from “sound” nightmares in which a high-pitched, miserable noise would screech through my head.

At first, I thought it was a memory from the Nazgul’s cry in the Lord of the Ring’s movies.  That was almost exactly what it sounded like, only really loud.

There would never be much of any dream, just the loud screaming noise I would be unable to block out.  A terror would overtake me.

The nightmare was bad enough that I tried to figure out what was going on.  For a time, I wasn’t taking any supplements, so I knew it couldn’t be that.  I unplugged my Ipod at night, thinking it was maybe that “white noise” creating the nightmares.

Years and years and years ago, I remember talking to my father about nightmares.  He had sleep apnea, and he could have really scary dreams.  He told me that he had discovered he could pray, even in his nightmare, and ask for help.

The next time I had a nightmare–I was probably about seven or so–I tried what my father had said.  I was facing a galaxy of stars whizzing around me (and I hadn’t even seen Star Wars yet!).  I began to pray, “Lord help me!”

I reported back to my dad, and he was so proud of me.

That gift my father gave me hasn’t left my mind, because when I would have the screaming noise, I began praying to Jesus.  I would still wake up in a terror, but the difference was going from feeling like there was no hope and I was stuck forever with a screaming noise in my head . . . to feeling like there is hope and Jesus will rescue me.

Through a little research, I became more aware of Tinnitus, and I started noticing it at night when I would lay down.  I guess a lot of people notice their Tinnitus then because it’s quiet.  It sounds like a distant “tone” that just keeps stretching out the same note.  It’s faint, but it reminds me of when I was a kid and those “Emergency Broadcast System” commercials would come over the TV.

I don’t put a lot of focus on thinking about it, because it can be kinda unsettling to me.  It’s like a “horror movie” noise in my mind.

After occasional nightmares over a few months’ time, the nightmares became more concentrated.  I knew I needed help.  These nightmares were really, really scaring me, and I didn’t want to go to sleep at night because of them.

I began to wonder if I heard something else at night, if maybe I wouldn’t have the nightmare so bad.  The problem was, what would I hear?  I didn’t want to listen to music, since that tends to get my mind going and I have problems with sleeping anyway.  I didn’t want to turn on the TV either, because there is no telling what will be playing at 3:00 in the morning.

That’s where The Board came in.

I had picked up The Board at a Christian bookstore one day out of curiosity.  It’s tagline, The meeting has come to order intrigued me.  I wanted to find out more.

The Board is a movie about the “meeting” that goes on inside us when we make decisions.  The Board is made up of six contributors: Mind, Will, Emotion, Conscience, Memory, and Heart.   The six get together on every choice a person makes and the majority rules.

The Board isn’t about just any decision, though.  The Board has to make a decision on whether or not they want to receive Christ as the Chair of the Board or not.  But this decision doesn’t just require the majority: this decision requires all of them to reach a consensus.

I figured out how to find the “repeat” button on my DVD player, and I tried sleeping.  The whole movie, and all the bonus material, played over and over all night long.  And I didn’t have my Tinnitus nightmare.

Since then, every night I have played The Board, I have not had the screaming nightmare.  Once, when I didn’t have the movie playing, I had the nightmare again.  In this nightmare, I was desperately trying to turn on some music, because I knew the outside sound would make the screaming go away.

God can work through the things I would never guess He would . . even my Tinnitus.  Now, every night, I go to sleep and wake up to the Message of salvation found in The Board.  I find myself thinking more about evangelism, and less about my worries.

As I turn the DVD on at night, it’s like having friends tell me the Good News of Jesus all night long.

This Tinnitus was a nightmare to me, but it’s been buried by the sound of salvation.  It reminds me that, whatever sounds we have playing in our head, the sound of the grace and truth of Jesus Christ will always ring louder.  The question is, have we asked to receive His music?

grace and truth came by Jesus Christ. (John 1:17b, KJV 2000)

In the world you will have much trouble. But take hope! I have power over the world!” (Jesus, quoted in John 16:33bcd, NLV)

Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good. (Romans 12:21, ISV)

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. (Psalm 56:3, NIV)

___________________________________________________

To learn more about The Board, see their website here.

See Copyright Page for Bible translation information.


Advertisements

The URI to TrackBack this entry is: https://gracestories.wordpress.com/2012/01/14/tinnitus/trackback/

%d bloggers like this: