The Five Love Languages

lachende Kinderhände in regenbogenfarben

Whether you’re married, single, with kids or without, if you have a single person in your life who you influence, the Love Languages explained by Dr. Gary Chapman is well worth your time. Whether you look at one of his books on your kindle or in itunes or as a paperback, you’re going to hear some good thinking about how to treat the people you love (and how to help friendships, marriages, and parent-child relationships last). You can even learn how to treat coworkers and associates better and how to connect with strangers.

If you’re in tune with what the Love Languages teaches about how people receive love, you’ll be able to give goodness to people in how you encourage, resolve differences, and even witness. There are five central love langauges that Gary Chapman explains. Check out his books for an in-depth examination. Here is a quick overview to get you thinking about the languages people personally speak and respond to as their “home language”. Since people are personal, each person speaks a different dialect of one of five basic languages.

#1 Words of Affirmation: speaking love

#2 Acts of Service: serving up love

#3 Receiving Gifts: giving love

#4 Quality Time: spending love

#5 Physical Touch: touching love

While most of us enjoy all five of the love languages in certain contexts, one of them is usually predominant in our life. If you think back to the key times in your life when people gave you a meaningful token of love, you may be able to figure out which love language matters most to you.

Did someone say something that spoke to your core? Did someone offer a helping hand right when you needed it? Did someone give you a keepsake that you’ve held onto for years? Did someone stay with you when you were going through a crisis? Or did someone offer you a hug or a hand on the shoulder just when you wanted it most?

With this in mind, you can take the 5 Love Languages personality test (free) at You can also complete the test for your child. Encourage your spouse to complete the test, too.

Once you know your “primary love language”, you can recognize when you’re not speaking the right language to friends, family, or even associates. Are you constantly affirming your child, but she really longs for more time with you? Do you find your acts of service for a friend unappreciated, but your hugs welcomed? Listening to what other people are telling you through their words and actions can help you guess what their love language might be.

The most you speak the love language of another person, the more they will feel loved by you. In fact, spending time thinking about how to please another person is one of the best kinds of thinking you can have. It pleases God very much when you invest yourself in the lives of those around you for the purpose of giving them love. This is key for living a life in the goodness of God.

Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. (Colossians 3:14, NLT)

Published in: on March 17, 2014 at 7:07 pm  Leave a Comment  

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