The Maze of My Life: Part 8, Reflection

I followed her into another pitch black room with glazes of light and a red emergency exit sign.  I decided I’d made it this far into the maze–I didn’t want to chicken out in the middle.  So I ran into a mirror trying to get out.  This part of the maze was the easiest part, because there were people all around me–including kids.  If a pterodactyl came up and ate me, at least I would have company.

My easiest part of the maze was Mom’s hardest part.  My mom hates to be in tiny, crammed closets with total strangers for some reason.  So she was real motivated to find her way out.

I am a reflective person.  I reflect on what I do.  I think a lot about it.  I analyze, criticize, and try to fix up the past in my head.  But it doesn’t work that way.

What I end up with is a room so full of reflections of escape with no real way out at all.  And . . I have become comfortable in that room.  For many years.

Satan is so skilled at taking our past and taunting us with it, shoving us into remembering what we’ve done, knowing full well we have no ability to change what is there.

The only way out of self-reflective horror . . . is hope.  I have hope not that I can go back into the past and ever find my way back out, but that Jesus has broken the mirrors.  I no longer have to hold my mistakes up to reflect all over the universe.  They have been forgiven.  At the cross.

We had broken the Law many ways. Those sins were held against us by the Law. That Law had writings which said we were sinners. But now He has destroyed that writing by nailing it to the cross.  (Colossians 2:14, NLV)


See Copyright Page for Bible translation information.


Fear of Confession: Confession

I have been reflecting on how wonderfully God offers forgiveness through His Son, and hoping He would change the hearts of so many people who are afraid to come to Him.

Often I share what I think God is teaching me through His Word before I even stop to reflect what His Words means to change in MY life. God is very patient with me.

As I reflected, I thought about how I wish I practiced what He reveals in His Word.  I have always struggled with confession, with the fear of being unforgiven, and I was glad He had given me these verses of Truth about Himself to share with others in my little blogs.  My words are not perfect, not by any means, (and I am often revising and reconsidering my blogs as my understanding grows, as you will see if you ever check back to earlier posts) and there is so much I don’t understand, but in His grace He gives me understanding from His perfect Word to reflect to others.

Then I had a surprising thought.  What if His Truth about confession—what if that was for me?  I will admit to you right now that I am very often a hypocrite in what I write.  God reveals something to me that excites me so much, and then I forget His Word and go back to bad practices.  The entire time I was blogging about confession, I was thinking about how I believe Him, but still wonder if He means me.  That’s pretty weak belief, isn’t it?  One thing I feel important is that no one ever think of me as some kind of “super Christian”.  If there was a bus that took Christians to Heaven, I would be running after it, having arrived late, shoes untied, hair a mess.  But very fortunately, completely beyond my understanding, I have a God who stops the bus for me.

I started really thinking, What if I can go to God and confess and be free?  But again, when I confess to God, although I hope to one day be free, I still feel like He’s holding something against me, like He’s still got my evaluation in His hand, like He still has saved on His computer all the emails people have sent Him about my mess-ups.

So I immediately thought, No, I can’t go to God and confess and be free yet.  I’m not miserable enough yet to be totally free, because this just makes complete and total sense, right?  And as I thought about the magnitude of going to God and painfully revealing again all the X’s I was hoping He has forgotten . . .  it was very burdensome.  So instead I thought, This is a great blog, but not for me.  But very applicable to others.

And then, rather than beating me senseless, God gave me an idea.  What if I can carry my sins to Jesus, and have a talk with Him, and then we can go together and present my sins before God the Father?

Never, ever, had I thought about doing this before, not even as I was writing the very blog about it!  Does that not show how much God’s grace is responsible for all wisdom I have?  I was reminded, very gently, very kindly, that all that is good in my writing comes from Him.  (And the bad is from me.  I’m sorry about that.  I work on getting it better, but, you know what?  My writing is never going to be up to par with His.  The only absolute Truth written down in this world is in God’s Word.)

And I got down on my knees and prayed something like,

“Jesus?  Here’s this sin I have.  Would you look at it, please?  Assess it?  It is yuck, I know.  Will you give me the payment for how much it costs?  Will you go with me as I show it to the Father?”

Truly, God is good.

Therefore, since God in his mercy has given us this new way, we never give up. (2 Corinthians 4:1, NLT)

See Copyright Page for Bible translation information.